Monday, December 13, 2010


I have a friend that is going to go onto labor in the next month or so. She is freaked out and the majority of her friends on facebook tell her everything will be ok if she gets an epidural. GET THE MEDS!!!!

If we are all friends why shouldn't we tell her the truth.I bet only about 40% of women that get an epidural actually don't feel anything, about 45% probably feel something but can bear thru it. But then there is the lucky 5% that get the epidural and still feel a human pushing thru their vagina! Yes,I said feel every elbow, knee,and in my case huge head slide right through a 10cm whole that once was less that 1cm wide!

You feel like the cramps you had all 10 years past have came back to haunt you all in one moment. You cant concentrate through the contractions, nor are you able to keep conversation. You actually wish that everyone that is in your room watching you look like the exorcist can just been in your shoes for one of the one minute contractions. The contractions get so close that you feel like taking things into your own hands and ripping the baby out yourself.

You finally hear the doctor tell you that you are 10cm....what you have wanted to hear all day/night. But that's not where is starts....cause then it still takes 20 minutes of hell for them to actually get "set up" for you to have a baby. While that is all happening you are trying to convince the nurse that if you push, she can catch the baby...wink at her then slip her a 20 dollar didn't work for me, but maybe you will have better luck.

You start pushing at every contraction ( I pushed when I told them I was, with or with out a contraction). My husband holding a leg, a nurse, and in Linkin's case Doogie at my crotch (yes, your doctor doesn't really deliver the baby if you have a resident on staff in Labor and delivery,unless you refuse...and by this point does it really matter!) You have a freaking cheering squad telling you to push and breath and all you want to do is spit fire at all the bitches! You will have to push though your ass, which later you will wish you have never done cause your booty will be soooo sore. It will make walking real fun! 

This is where all the stories of taking a shit during child birth come in. Its exciting stuff! When the head is finally out the doctor will ask you if you want to feel or even help pull the baby out (I know right)...screw the small talk ,and get this sucker out of me. They pull him/her out and place them on your stomach...and  instantly all your thoughts go away and you are full of emotions that you never knew you had! Let me be the first to tell you that it is over whelming and one of the best moments of my life....I was lucky enough to have gone through it 4 times!!

Good Luck Caroline! love you

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Soccer Mom

I don't think that I have to tell ANYONE that I am "that"mom who is the yeller at her kids sporting events. I am very loud and proud mom (my mom even bought me a shirt that states just that!) Yes, other people stare at me and NO ...I don't give an ounce of shit when they do.
These are just a few reasons why I wonder why parents put their kids in sports......

1. I want my kids to learn to play well with others.....DO these parents know that Soccer is a contact sport. How about putting them in ballet?

2. I want my kids to meet other kids......I can think of a crap load of play dates that wont cost you 85 bucks for the next two months!

3. I played soccer....and obviously you didn't make it that far...stop living thru your child.

It irritates me that parents want their kids to be in a sport and make it a point to tell the coach that "we are only here to have fun"....well Tylerr is here to have fun and kick your kids ass,and I will be yelling all the way to the goal!

ohhh side juice and a banana is not considered a fun snack after a game. Whatever happened to goldfish and a capri sun!!!?

I'm back and hopfully staying

Life has caught up with me and I finally have a hang of things! I have been asked to jump back on board with this blog....I can hardly update my personal blog. I do believe that this blog gives me my "out"...writing about the things that make me frustrated and everyday issues. I love the responses that I get from everyone,I appreciate it good and bad.

Let me know if there is a topic that you want to hear or talk about.I'm up for anything!