Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Looking back

Looking back at the late 2011 post on facebook today, I realized that I was in a funky place. Normally I wouldn't venture to old post to just see what I wrote, but it was brought to my attention from a good friend. She told me that even though I am the same person, my actions and words were so very different now then that place I was in months ago.

I made a promise to myself that I wanted to handle situations different this year. Change was coming to 2012 and I think I have already accomplished that goal in a short 4 months. All around I am a happier person. I have put all I have into Little Helpers and enjoy doing it. I have surrounded myself with encouraging, supportive and fun friends.My kids keep me on my toes and I wouldnt want it any other way.

I am truly a lucky girl. I have a supportive husband, 4 beautiful kids, amazingly helpful and loving parents, and friends that surprise me everyday with their love and helpfulness.

Here's to the next 8 months......

Sunday, April 8, 2012

My birthing plan.....

Originally wrote in 2010......Mommy war #1.....Birthing plan or not???

Last week I was sitting peacefully by myself,watching my children play at the splash pad. When along comes a lady with a little boy. She sits right next to me, I mean uncomfortably close. I am already bothered with this lady....seriously there were tons of spots to sit and I get her in my lap!!

I could tell this lady was pregnant like she obviously knew that I was. This is where it all began.
This was our conversation....
lets call her Marsha.....

Marsha: "How far along are you?"
Me: 7 months (to be nice, I asked) And you?
Marsha: 5, with another little boy. Do you know what you are having?
Me: This will be my fourth girl.
Marsha: Ohhh, your husband must be so disappointed?

(first off...screw you Marsha)

Me: He doesn't mind.
Marsha: do you have your birth plan written out yet?
Me: Excuse me?
Marsha: You don't have a birth plan?
Me: yes, I plan on having a baby!!!
Marsha: ohhh...you should have one. Me and my husband decided to have no medication, When I get to the hospital I want to sit on a birthing ball to help calm me. We are going to have Josh Groban playing in the background, no one but me and my husband,well including the doctors,will be in the room with us.
You should really have a plan.

Good thing (well not really) that Pierce got knocked over by an older kid. I ran up to pick her up and packed up the girls to go home.

ahhh Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.....

First off: My husband doesn't get a choice in whether or not I receive medication or not. Lets be honest,I'm part Mexican.....If I had no medication I'd be sounding like the other ladies down the hall...you know the ones without insurance and have the whole family in the waiting room munching on tacos and burritos! Those ladies are screamers, screaming things that I don't even know what they are saying. But it must be funny if my dad is laughing.

Second: Isn't rolling on balls how I got into this mess......

Third: There will be no music in my room. Is this supposed to calm you, cause if so then crank the Eminem or Dr.Dre. That would get me pushing!

Fourth: There is nothing more awesome in the world then to have a child, but to be able to watch someone watch you have a baby....its pretty cool too. I would love to be able to experience someone close to me have a baby....so I love returning the favor.

So....maybe that's my plan!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

kind words

This isn't always easy for me. If you know me well enough you know that most of my negativity is mostly out of comic relief. Today I had some really awesome conversations with friends about life. In these conversations they pointed out in some way that their first impression of me was a bold one and not really quite sure how I fit into their life. A little to aggressive and judgy. I'm that "you either like me or not" person.   The conversation continued on to say that after they actually got to know me I wasn't so bad and actually was a fun person to be around and they were glad to have a friend in me.

This blog post isnt to talk about me....but it just made me realize not to judge right off. I will be the first to admit I place judgment from the get-go.......I think I will stand back, take it in and get to know people first. I for one know that if someone didnt give me a chance I'd be missing out on some great friends.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Power of Prayer...part 2

As I have said many times I don't understand the concept of Power of Prayer. I agree that prayer when its a "real" prayer can be good for the soul or even answered at times. But when multiple people pray for your child having the flu, that it makes a difference when 100 people pray vs. just you?....doesn't make sense to me.

With all of that being said I have found that prayer helps me deal with my anxiety and stress lately. Maybe its the meditation part. Whatever it is I gladly welcome it. If you are really close to Greg and I you know that we have been struggling with some big family decisions the last couple of months. It's been a long drawn out journey one that I don't want to have to go through again, but just two weeks ago I feel that everything has finally found its place. No more questioning or wondering how things are going to turn out. I owe this all to extremely supportive parents and really close friends. Most importantly the faith that I have that there is a person so much bigger than me that is listening and looking out for me. It didn't take a 100 people to pray that my family of 6 got through this time. It was the faith that I knew whatever the outcome was, it was meant for us.

I still might no understand Power of Prayer, but I do have faith.

Power of prayer part 1

This blog entry was on my personal blog almost 12 months ago........Start of a new series.

I have been questioning Power of Prayer lately. I have never understood why others ask each other to pray for them. I understand prayer and I often in my alone time (which isn't much) pray or talk to GOD.

I feel like this is something that I have been searching for while now. Just recently have I thought that if this is a true thing,if it will help me cope with my sadness or maybe lift my spirits in a way that nothing else could,that just maybe this was the time I needed it the most.

Last night Linkin had a hard time falling asleep. I decided to rock her.. She was the most precious baby that I had seen since Pierce was that age! As I rocked her I started to tear up,hoping that everything was ok with her. Tears kept falling as I hoped that Thursday wasn't to traumatic for her and that I could stay sane the whole time. At the moment I started to pray,and pray hard. I ask God to protect her, if test results are bad or not, just to please make things easy for her. Wishing that she has no pain. I asked that when her doctor calls, that she gives good news and that I can finally breath better. Linkin fell asleep even with my alligator tears laying all over her.

That very night I had a dream.

I woke up this morning with the biggest smile and huge sigh of relief.

Nana (my mom's mom) was in my dream. In my dream I heard Linkin crying,I got up went to the bathroom and heard a beautiful singing voice. Not just any voice, I had heard this voice before signing hymns at Sunday church. I looked everywhere trying to find her.She was singing the song she made up for me and my baby Hilda. This time instead of using Hilda's name she was singing to Linkin. I finally found her outside on a big wooden swing holding Linkin in her arms. She tells me to sit down,looks at me and tells me that Linkin is going to be ok.

I'm breathing a little better today. Was this God speaking to me? Or a beautiful angel looking out for me?

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Pretty Little Liars

I'd like to know how you can be a down right liar and be pretty....it makes you ugly.
This is why I never ask anyone...."Do you like my hair", "Do these jeans make my butt look good"
If I were to ask these questions I would hope that my friends would tell the truth to me....hence not asking them. Those are "kind" lies. What I really cant stand are the ones that just make you look good or better than the next person.

I love this saying that I found on good'ole Pintrest.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day

I'm a believer in celebrating a holiday to the fullest for my kids sake. The looks on their faces when they woke up this morning to a bucket of goodies made me fuzzy inside. Heart shaped waffles that had them amazed that cereal wasn't on the menu. The looks on their faces and the joy of them coming out of school with all of their Valentines given by their classmates is always fun to hear about.

More times then not Greg and I skip celebrating holidays for each other. We always say that we rather spend the money on something for the kids or something that is needed for the house or car.

I wish Greg could have seen the look on my face as I opened the door with a crying kid in my hands and another at my feet yelling "Cheetos's". I almost started to cry. I don't care if its a Holiday in which a guy is supposed to remember that he loves me. Sometimes in the mist of our busy schedules in New Mexico or Arizona, just knowing that a smile will be brought to my face is what matters. It worked.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

One proud Parent

A couple of months ago a friend and I were talking about facebook. She told me that I quite often compliment my kids and their behavior or achievements in school and in outside school activities. I have since then learned that it bugs people to hear of these postings, as if I'm trying to "one up" or brag about my kids in a hasty way. In a sense I understood but then just last night, I read of a person "bragging" about getting a raise and it all came clearer to me.

This is my JOB. These four beautiful daughters are my biggest blessing and achievement in life. I have messed up so much that they are what I give my all to. I'm actually not to bad at it either. I have learned to tell myself that I'm doing the best I can and I SHOULD be happy and BRAG about their achievements in school or other activities.

You wont ever see me write that I got a raise, hit a quota or landed a deal at my work. But my accomplishments will come in the form of my kids.

So from here on out I'm not going to tip toe around the fact that Tylerr is "gifted" (the words the school ELP and Psychologist used at her school) or the fact that Kennedy struggles so much that we have tears every night, so when she gets a good grades I celebrate it like its her birthday!

So for the people out there that think that I am "bragging" I am. I am happy for my kids and their achievements. This doesn't mean that I also wont be right along side you cheering your own child on with their own achievements. That's what we do as mom's/ parents we lift each other and our kids up. We don't tear each other down for boasting in our children's success.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


....yep, that's Pierce's new saying. Did really care, didn't seem like a bad thing to say. There could be worse things, but today at QT in the mist of all the cuteness she dropped the NUTS bomb.

Silly and sweet as she is holding a sucker a little old lady was telling her adorable she is (duh, right?). She was twirling and singing songs. The lady was quite surprised that she even knew that words to three little pigs. That's when it happened. She dropped her sucker in all the excitement and she yelled out "ahhh, nuts"!  The ladies face turned speechless and she looked at me and said " how dare a cute little face have such a filthy mouth" (I'm sure that's what my own mom says about me!!!). As, I ignored the lady and proceeded to pay for Pierce's sucker, she grabbed my arm and asked me if I heard what my child said. " Politely I replied with a "yes,mam I did" and walked away.

So really, do you think the "ahhh, nuts" is bad?

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The words of a Buddhist Physician

Somehow on my travels from Pintrest to Facebook I came across a blog written by a Buddist Physician. The post title was "What makes a true Friend". A title that caught my eye, since this past month has been filled with gaining awesome friends  & loosing toxic ones too.

This past couple of months I have been struggling with long nights. Sleepless, anxiety driven long nights. I get up in the morning and go on with my day as usual cause nothing at this point is in my power. All 6 of us are fine....we all have our health and each other and that's what matters most.

This eye catching article had me understand who in my life is a "true" friend. It hit me like a semi! Tears started to fill my sockets and there it was, the answer to my question that I always felt like needed an answer. The writer called these friends "kenzuko" meaning family. He explains that these people share common values and interest. These are the people to which you share your thoughts, feelings, and all the stuff in between. The people that are there to listen when you have to vent. People that you go to when you have something to say and they tell you not what you want to hear but they say" I'm here for you".

See through these sleepless nights I have found out who is a true friend or Kenzuko. These are the people that know exactly what I am going through and support me through it all. The writer said a kenzuko is like finding your way home. I'd have to agree.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


A fellow Pinner  told me to type in "giving" to the search engine on Pintrest.

The very first thing that pops up is this small but powerful quote. Couldn't be more appropriate for today. I am overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of my friends and their friends. In less than 24 hours we have had a great response to an event that I thought...maybe....1/4 of my friends would want to participate in. Boy.... did my friends prove me wrong!  I know this is going to do so much for military families, but the gift that it gives me is priceless. I didn't think that I would have this much emotion running through me, its a really nice feeling. Thank you again!

Monday, January 9, 2012


Every year I revisit a post that I did on the blog. These are some of the postings that I have had and they still ring true to this day.

Okay....so If you don't have facebook then you don't get my daily thoughts on everyday stuff. Some controversial some just plain randoms. I mostly watch/listen to talk shows and then have something to say about it. I get a lot of comments on my thoughts....some people agree...most don't! I try to explain to people that they dont have to agree with me. It's simply my opinion. I received an email from a friend asking to write a blog blurb on my facebook about my random thoughts.

1. I'm not just a mom. I actually wish that I could go back to work. I've done both...and Stay at home mom is the hardest job.

2. I HATE backpack leashes. I don't care, I think they look ridiculous.

3. Sonic has the best ice...don't try to convince me otherwise.....ok, just kidding LOVE me some QT ice!
4. No I didn't vote for Obama...please, that doesn't make me racist.

5. I believe in GOD. I don't understand the power of prayer....I mean the God that I love doesn't care that 10 people pray vs. one million.....I just don't get it!

6. Hello...this isn't Leave it to Beaver.....guys can do dishes and woman can mow the lawn.

7. The secret is out...my kids watch more than 2 hours of TV a day! Get over it....so far they are turning out ok.

8. Even if I do decide to have another kid, stop trying to convince me to have a water birth,a Douala, or even an at home birth. I am very comfortable with a hospital

9. I hate the phrase..."Grass always looks greener on the other side" I mean stop bitching....throw some seed on it...it works....my dad does it every year!!!!

10. I really don't like Halloween. I only celebrate it cause I have small kids and it happens to be my dads birthday. I only dressed up two years as an adult...one right after I turned 21 and the next I was prego with Tylerr...couldn't resist being a pregnant nun! (I finally said yes, to a Halloween party in 2011...and had a blast)!

11. I actually don't like play dates, but I'm trying to step out of my comfort zone.

12.  No, not all babies are cute...sorry!

13.Don't really care if you think its mean of me to call my kids by the order they were born. Better than going through 4 names to get the right one!

14. I don't think its cute that people dress up their dogs...maybe a bandanna or a hat, but sweaters and pants...what the....

15.I am pro choice, i wish preschool prices would just stay the same and if it means protecting my family...I would own a hand gun.

The things she teaches me

I've always said that the day I found out that I was pregnant with Tylerr was the day I grew up. I was 23 when I found out I was pregnant, not married and scared shittless to tell my parents. Yes, 23...not 16.

a very short 4 months later I was married and soon going to deliver a baby. The most beautiful baby that I had ever seen, ok...not really. She looked like a hairy Indian baby!  I'm sure most people that knew me thought that I'd be a mess of a mom. I mean I'm not perfect, but I never really liked kids or even babies. So even if they did think that, I was putting money on it too.

This amazingly innocent, smart child teaches me things about my self daily.

Its ok to cry.

Its ok to fail, as long as you learn.

Saying your sorry is the best medicine for friendships and family even if they refuse to hear it.

Its ok to be aggressive.

Be yourself, people don't like fake. 

Jesus loves us.

Hugs heal.

Mistakes happen.

Honest is the best policy.

Today Tylerr told me a story about how she gave a girl a hug at  school because she fell. I told her that she was being a good friend and that it was the right thing to do. I asked her "where did you get so smart", her answer was...."you taught me".

I'm hoping that I can prove some of those people wrong that doubted me 7 years ago. Today I proved myself wrong. Thank you Tylerr.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

I don't think I'm in love with the word RESOLUTIONS. Its to permanent. Makes me feel like what ever resolution I made for the year, that I failed somehow if it never worked. I mean I still don't have fake boobs.....that's 5 years of resolutions that I feel disappointed about.

2011 taught me alot about myself in the social arena. If you are reading this and spent any time with me you will nod the whole way through. I'm a social butterfly that tends to make a statement with what I say, but also has bad timing. I make friends easily but very cautious when I do. I have an overwhelming opinion that most like to hear. What I learned is, most of the people I met in 2011 like all these things about me till it doesn't fit or makes THEM uncmfortable. If you once laughed at a joke, you cant look back in a week and down me for saying something. If you laughed....you are just as guilty! You know you cant have a half ass friend in me. You cant ask me not social in a social time, you cant ask for an opinion but not like what I say, and please dont be my friend only when its convenient.

2011 taught me how to be a better mom. I see some kids that spend only 4 hours in the evening with thier parents. Kids that dont have the chance to go and play with friends. Disrepectful kids that dont listen or call thier parents names. I'm lucky enough and will now not take for granted that I get to spend all day or after school with my kids. I'm more open for playdates and take onmore of my kids activities. I see my kids around other adults and I'm very proud of how they handle themselves and treat others.

2011 taught me that even though I needed to change a little for myself, that is just it....its for me!

in 2012 we are going to see changes, not resolutions. Although boobies would be nice!  Change in how I handle people that want to call me a "freind" but only when its convient. Change how much time I spend with my kids. Change the time I spend with people that I want to call friends. What I'm not going to do is change your thought about me. This is who I am!

So before this starts sounding to much like Obama's re-election campain. Let me leave you with this amazing picture I found on Pintrest.

Happy 2012!!!